Periodically I get trapped inside
My mind.
My body knows it should
Stand up,
Should move.
My eyes try to look
Out the window.
I want to go outside and inhale life and
Lay in the sun
But
Then the thought of it all;
Moving myself,
Makes me cry.
Exhausts me.
And all goes silent
In my head.
The connection is lost
And every thought becomes
Slow motion
Until I remain
Motionless
And call it a draw.
I often think i am done
Whether sun
Or shadow fall on my face.
Even when a smile curves my lips
A battle may rage
Within;
This at any time.
I walk upon stone,
I walk upon dirt
Both hurt
When the weight is heavy.
Though i stand tall,
A smile curves my lips.
Each breath a blessing
As i fill my lungs with air,
As I stretch up to the sky with all my might
The weight gets lighter,
My feet less tender.
I look at my heart.
It has no boundaries
Nor my mind in fact.
Every cell,
Every atom
At peace if I allow it to be.
And so it flows through me,
And so I am.
We try most fervently to
Describe
The celestial heavens
With our mortal minded
Words.
Those helpless times.
My hands feel useless.
My heart loves.
My mind loves.
My soul loves.
Circumstances may make me feel this way sometimes
But i know I am not. You are not.
If my hands cannot do anything
Else but hold yours
In this sterile room,
I am not helpless.
You are not helpless.
I get lost in the words
In the conversations
I do not know these games
These twisted
Ways
I do not know how long
I was staring at the wall
I do not know where my mind went
Maybe i will find it some day
Maybe not
I am quite content
With it coming and going as it
Wishes
My mind is playing the
“You can’t” game.
The
“You aren’t” ,
“You are too this or too that” game.
It is exhausting these climbs and the cliffs.
I fall.
Continually crawling back up.
Gravel on my knees,
Vines and thorns around my throat.
Reminding myself
Not to struggle so much
Against them
For
They just dig deeper into my flesh.
I close my eyes.
Exhale.
Count to three and open my eyes again.
her mind was quite broken you see.
for so long the road to healing has been most tedious.
she has had to learn to allow herself grace
and tenderness unapologetically
she has had to learn she does not need to justify this to
anyone
for even she was unaware that those wounds were too painful to touch
that even her skin was deeply bruised
with heart and mind
and this takes time
giving herself space to grow new strength
unspoken
and nurturing her own roots
and spirit
which ultimately remain
unbroken
love and tenderness for oneself grow freely when welcomed
and cared for unconditionally
His mind
Will take you places
You never imagined.
And so
Your body will
Follow,
There will be your heart.
For it knew the way to him
All along.
Mama never made us come inside
When it rained.
That is how i know that it is just like any other day,
whether sunny or stormy.
Embrace each day as if as beautiful
As the next.
It does not matter the weather,
It matters your heart
your eyes,
your soul.
Terrified to be overwhelmed
Some days there is nothing left
The fight of the agony
Has left me
Exhausted
Again i float
As numbness claims
Me
Extremities lifeless
To separate
Feelings
From matter
My mind shouts
Get up
Get up
You are alive and well
My mind shouts
You are nothing
You are no one
You are a minute speck
Heart-
Heavy and heated as if standing on the sun
The brightness blinding me to life
Eventually i embrace it and love i become
I always come through
I always come through
Chole Into Diamonds 