Your mind opens a portal.
I see you shining bright.
A rhythmic pulse singing.
Internal sight breathing.
And I want to grasp you and hold you tight.
But, you cannot hold light
So I close my eyes and feel myself dissolving, Transforming.
Light I become in our union.
This is just the never ending
Beginning.
Wave upon wave upon wave.
The battle is real
Should i have a glass of wine
Or
Climb in the closet, shut the door and
Sit in the dark?
Teetering on the edge
Of laughter and screams.
Rocking to and fro.
I must remember why i
Am here.
I love so deep
But do not think i am so
Fragile.
My jaw has met fist amongst other things.
Shadows call even though there be
Light
And friendly faces on the street.
Apathy Creeping at my feet.
Once again I retreat from
The invisible forces.
Battling
Battling
With those formless thought shifters.
“Go away!” I say as my worth is not in
Their ungrateful hands.
I write truth on the wall.
I must remember why i am here.
I close my eyes once more and am
Taken to the red dirt
Where I kneel.
Home feels so far but there
It is in my heart. My heart.
How could I forget. Wallowing
In my fears.
I know why i am here.
I let them
Get in my head. I let them twist my mind.
Deplorable thoughts have no control.
Thoughts cannot condemn my soul.
I know why i am here.
Do i?
I get up early
And walk to the field just as light peaks over
The ridge.
The birds sing me welcome.
I hear rustling in the grass
And am met with the pleasant stare
Of a doe.
I look around and see another doe.
One has two fawn and the other three.
I sit and feel my heart
Swell.
Here is where I am always welcomed.
Here is where I am
Reminded
I am not broken nor am I lost.
I am.
Please throw open every
Door
And each window in this house
When you speak of death.
Let fresh air fill every space
Light cannot reach within.
I must catch my breath.
I must see the sky.
I need to hear
Birdsong interwoven with
Your words.
The first chord
And I am taken back
To days
Gone by.
Mamma cooking in the kitchen with
Her favorite apron on.
Her cheeks rosie
And heart full.
Dad sitting back on the couch,
A big grin on his face.
Christmas records playing.
And laughter echoing
Through our
Tiny trailer insulated in snow.
Neighbors, friends and family crammed in every nook
As we celebrated
The holiday season.
(cigarette smoke filled the air and alcohol flowed amidst the peaceful chaos)
We could not help but touch for there
Was no room to hide.
We did not have much
But we had each other.
Ups and downs,
Good and bad.
We wore our love without shame.
Our humanness on the inside reaching out.
Pulling each other through the endless
Cold winter nights.
Each of us our own shade of light
Together creating a beacon to keep
Warm.
We magnified each others hearts with love.
Terrified to be overwhelmed
Some days there is nothing left
The fight of the agony
Has left me
Exhausted
Again i float
As numbness claims
Me
Extremities lifeless
To separate
Feelings
From matter
My mind shouts
Get up
Get up
You are alive and well
My mind shouts
You are nothing
You are no one
You are a minute speck
Heart-
Heavy and heated as if standing on the sun
The brightness blinding me to life
Eventually i embrace it and love i become
I always come through
I always come through
Dear heart
Do not believe
Others can keep you
From shining
For they do not hold your flame.
They hold only their own.
You are the
Master
Of your light,
Of self.
It is time to release the shame.
Something,
Someone planted the seeds and you unwittingly
Let them grow tenuous roots
Around your insides;
Behind your eyes.
Cut the source of the growth at the root
Feel it wither on its own.
Shame cannot flourish if you cease to nourish it.
It cannot grow without your attention.
Lift your eyes to your beauty.
You are living,
Breathing
Golden light.
Peace cannot come soon
Enough.
I embrace it with all my being.
Every breath,
Every cell of me.
For my heart is
Most weary.
I have grown tired of wars
Within and without.
I suppose when you are spent is when you relent
To it;
Becoming
The stillness.
Drained from the fight
You realize light is
The only way
You can
Rise another day;
To be love.
The light you cast
Has found things hidden in my
Darkness.
With utmost patience you coaxed them out
And to my surprise,
Met them
With grace.
Chole Into Diamonds 