When I was ready; when I had had enough,
I began to dig deep and face some memories I had tried not to keep. Some parts of me had been in hiding or dressed in disguise;
Pretending to be invisible.
It took longer than I thought it might.
I had to hold myself accountable for my own part and went back to the start.
I did not realize how far away from myself I was
Until I started retracing the steps back to myself.
Healing.
Though
They look right through her
As if she isn’t
There,
She
Knows she is not invisible.
(Oh but it is as if she does not exist)
For she feels hands grip her,
Move her when
She obstructs the way.
She has come so far.
She has become a stronger woman than
She used to be.
But then certain people reappear
And she
Is gone before she realizes what has happened.
She becomes invisible.
So small.
Like she’s never been at all.
You hold yourself steady
As another wave rolls in.
Which is most frightening
When you feel it begin,
Knowing what lies between or what is at the end?
Invisible slips and invisible falls.
The faceless voices who taunt;
And from shadows
Call.
Going from gladness
(In deeper)
To sadness
(In deeper)
To madness
(In deeper)
To the darkness within.
The flesh feels alive and well
While the mind makes itself a home in
An unseen hell.
It’s not like i can’t take being tough.
Or someone being rough.
It’s not like I am so fragile I will break.
It’s just I am getting tired of holding things at arms length.
My senses have grown fatigued
Waiting for a battle that might just be the end of me.
My defenses have laid to rest
From lack of will I guess.
I think I am ready to rest a while.
I would love to wallow in love.
It is all I have been thinking of.
Breathing,
While my heart is beating.
All the while I am healing
Wrapped in a cocoon shielded from the storm
That rages within and without.
Myself invisible to those who come around
With malice in their hearts.
And when I am ready to emerge,
The pain and sadness purged,
Nothing will be able to penetrate
What my soul light
Was able to
Create.
She knows what it feels like to be invisible.
To be in a room with hundreds
Of people
And,
Like the air,
They breathe her in not realizing
She is there.
Her heartbeat the passion of the music.
The cellos
The violins,
And the dance.
Her presence creating a magical trance
And strangers smile as she drifts by,
Not knowing why.
There is delight in their hearts
At the gentle brush
Of her hand as she passes through,
A mere whisper of a breeze.
Her aura
At the tip of their memory.
Something they long for entirely
But cannot quite reach.
A haunting memory
Of a desire to hold onto
Yet
Out of their grasp,
She slips away.
And they,
The strangers
Are left asking
One another
If anyone else sensed the
Magic
They cannot describe.
Chole Into Diamonds 