It has been painful to dig out
All
The veins of the abuse
In her body,
Mind and heart
For it is in her skin,
Her bones and breath;
The self loathing and unworthiness.
But
The cracks,
The light is getting out now
Slowly but surely
And
Bit by bit
She is allowing love return
In once more.
Illumination.
Abused. Ill-treated.
Born into barbed wire boundaries.
Reiterate,
Reiterated
Over and over
How incapable one is
To even make a simple decision.
(Wrong. Wrong again)
To celebrate joyfully,
To make a sound could set fire to surroundings.
Destruction.
Loose track of truth as lies are the padding between
Being reprimanded physically
Or
Verbally.
Blurred lines
And confusion.
(Mock and shame)
How to interact;
Manipulation
False praises and head games.
How to explain
Voice crushed,
Airway blocked.
To whisper brought trembling
To body
And tears to brim
To which people yelled
“Speak up!
What is your problem?”
You
Knocked the breath out of her.
Hands hit skin,
Words hit heart.
She was fearful
Of everyone.
Scared to speak.
Scared to move.
To say the wrong word,
To give the wrong look.
Her legs always shaking step by step.
Heaven forbid a tear should fall
(You damn crybaby)
Her voice so small
(Speak up! Speak up! But only when I tell you to!).
Eyes on the floor.
Walk so very softly.
(Become the wallpaper upon the wall
Your fingers never touch)
When She breathes, if she breathes,
Hold it, listen.
(What the hell are you wearing?)
Do not move another step
Until
Television volume up high
To mask the sound of her
Existence.
(They walk among us)
The controllers and abusers,
The controlled and abused.
And Momma always said
You never know what goes on behind
Closed doors.
Chole Into Diamonds 