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Sometimes

I believe i am well

Then i get this twisted gut

And this crooked eye

And they both dig into me deep

Dredging and pulling

Till they find something to ridicule

Laughing

And pointing

Mocking

And they dance with joy

As i swing and miss

Then retreat

Down

Down

Under reality

Into the depths of my mind

Where there is shelter

And silence

But

Not oxygen.

Perpetual space.

Curiosity

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Memories.

Playing in my grandparents old farmhouse.

Looking outside through the window.

“Do not play at the window child. Do not touch

The stick holding the window open. Go outside”

Curiosity always ruled me.

Itchy fingers and dreamy mind wondering what could happen this time.

So closer I moved.

What is this mighty stick doing I may not touch?

Holding up the heavy window frame I realized to late

As it slammed down unapologetically on my my little hand.

Tears stinging my eyes to my surprise.

Swollen and bruised hand now but

“That’s what you get when you do not listen child. Now go outside and play.

Stay on the grass. Do not leave the yard.”

I would proceed to play barefoot and roam the boundaries I was told not to go.

Skin now pierced by prickly burs. Tears again.

“If we told you once, we told you twice. Now child why don’t you listen.”

Once more I wander places I ought not go. Family visiting outside stop to hear my cry.

Me confronted.

A large snake poised up to meet my eyes. I stood frozen.

“Don’t move a muscle!”

And they interfere with my curiosity. I am safe now in big sisters arms.

” Why don’t you listen child? There is danger and boundaries you mustn’t cross. We know better as we have lived longer.”

I did not understand their language it seems.

Fearless

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Be mindful

Those generational ghosts you bring forward;

Those in your own heart and mind which no Longer

Exist.

We are teaching children to fear them.

We are born fearless.

We are born fresh and

We are born free of past regrets.

Do not dump your unhealed bits on them, the Children.

Lessons abound from the past. Still, let us refrain from planting our pain in the child’s heart.

Just Remember

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Daddy’s crying

Momma’s lying

What am I supposed to do?

My little heart is searching

For a simple smile or two.

My little hands can’t fix it,

That’s what band aides

Usually do.

………………….

Just Remember

Come November

Whatever has come and gone,

This little girl

Loved

Her Momma and Daddy

All along.

………………..

The gun was fired.

Momma’s tired.

Daddy doesn’t know what went wrong.

Seems they thought they were all grown up

When they were only playing house

All along.

Fill in a  couple of bullet holes.

Pretend they are all gone.

We’ll keep singing your pretty song.

Daddy holds on to the past,

Momma’s drinking makes it last.

Once the gun was smoking

We were left holding

Illusions in the air.

…………..

Come November

Just remember

*originally published December 2013

Choleintodiamonds

Breaking

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Because of all the discord and chaos

Surrounding me

As a child

I learned to listen beyond what I heard.

And I learned to delve into deep and quiet Places

Observing.

Unnoticed to go untouched.

Adults. Objects thrown with insults. Hits leaving bruises; drawing blood. Trembling tears.

And

What I heard and saw

There

Was hearts breaking.

Mesmerized

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I am

Mesmerized

By this

Magnifying beauty

Of morning light piercing

Through singular beads of

Dew grouping;

Clinging to green grass and wildflowers

This side of the highway.

These

Simple refractions of

Light;

Such an uncomplicated masterpiece.

And I believe in magic.

Nature does not force

The outcome.

How blessed are we to witness a thing such as

This?