He is this mirage in the distance
Created by heat
And angles.
The closer i get,
The further away he goes.
He is this mirage in the distance
Created by heat
And angles.
The closer i get,
The further away he goes.
I walked on
And
I watched the
Eagles fly.
I hear the whoosh of the air
On their wings as they glide overhead.
The higher they go
The stronger my heartbeat.
And I heard the brush rustle
Nearby,
Turning just in time
To see 3 deer leaping into my path.
Alert and tentative.
For a moment I expect to see a predator on their heels.
But no.
And we gaze into each others eyes for what seems like time indefinite .
And i feel that whole lifetime of anxiety leave my bones.
Stillness fills my cells.
My mind clears and my heart swells.
Peace. I am as i am meant to be.
I find myself by the river where I immerse myself in nature’s song.
I become the water and the stones who mean
Each other no harm.
They merely add to the symphony.
As do I;
I know.
This is true.
Sometimes
I believe i am well
Then i get this twisted gut
And this crooked eye
And they both dig into me deep
Dredging and pulling
Till they find something to ridicule
Laughing
And pointing
Mocking
And they dance with joy
As i swing and miss
Then retreat
Down
Down
Under reality
Into the depths of my mind
Where there is shelter
And silence
But
Not oxygen.
Perpetual space.
Memories.
Playing in my grandparents old farmhouse.
Looking outside through the window.
“Do not play at the window child. Do not touch
The stick holding the window open. Go outside”
Curiosity always ruled me.
Itchy fingers and dreamy mind wondering what could happen this time.
So closer I moved.
What is this mighty stick doing I may not touch?
Holding up the heavy window frame I realized to late
As it slammed down unapologetically on my my little hand.
Tears stinging my eyes to my surprise.
Swollen and bruised hand now but
“That’s what you get when you do not listen child. Now go outside and play.
Stay on the grass. Do not leave the yard.”
I would proceed to play barefoot and roam the boundaries I was told not to go.
Skin now pierced by prickly burs. Tears again.
“If we told you once, we told you twice. Now child why don’t you listen.”
Once more I wander places I ought not go. Family visiting outside stop to hear my cry.
Me confronted.
A large snake poised up to meet my eyes. I stood frozen.
“Don’t move a muscle!”
And they interfere with my curiosity. I am safe now in big sisters arms.
” Why don’t you listen child? There is danger and boundaries you mustn’t cross. We know better as we have lived longer.”
I did not understand their language it seems.
It can happen
By midday.
You forget you had beautiful dreams
And a fantastic morning.
You might not recall that you have a wonderful
Life for a moment too
When your heart
Hurts.
I chase flowers;
Often finding myself in desolate
Graveyards where I proceed
To quietly talk to myself.
Though I know some one else is listening,
Only listening.
And it is nice to be heard.
Be mindful
Those generational ghosts you bring forward;
Those in your own heart and mind which no Longer
Exist.
We are teaching children to fear them.
We are born fearless.
We are born fresh and
We are born free of past regrets.
Do not dump your unhealed bits on them, the Children.
Lessons abound from the past. Still, let us refrain from planting our pain in the child’s heart.
I whispered
In your ear
As I passed you by,
“I got nothing left”,
And leapt into this
Eternal free fall.
The next thing I knew
It was you with me
Free falling too
With that incredible
Grin on your face.
And on we go not knowing
Where,
Not caring how.
Just reeling with the feelings.
Daddy’s crying
Momma’s lying
What am I supposed to do?
My little heart is searching
For a simple smile or two.
My little hands can’t fix it,
That’s what band aides
Usually do.
………………….
Just Remember
Come November
Whatever has come and gone,
This little girl
Loved
Her Momma and Daddy
All along.
………………..
The gun was fired.
Momma’s tired.
Daddy doesn’t know what went wrong.
Seems they thought they were all grown up
When they were only playing house
All along.
Fill in a couple of bullet holes.
Pretend they are all gone.
We’ll keep singing your pretty song.
Daddy holds on to the past,
Momma’s drinking makes it last.
Once the gun was smoking
We were left holding
Illusions in the air.
…………..
Come November
Just remember
*originally published December 2013
Choleintodiamonds
In a world of instant gratification
People are looking for
Instantaneous solutions
Which only create
Temporary
Illusions
Of
Peace,
Then immediately move on to the next
So called problem or crisis
Wondering why the initial
Issue reoccurs.